I’m not sure if all kids are like this, but there are times when Zoe drives me crazy with her nonstop talking. I tried to ask ChatGPT about it and was told it’s completely normal. While sometimes (or rather, everyday) I find it overwhelming, there are times when I’m amazed by what she thinks about, and how mature she has developed emotionally.
Today we talked about some pretty big topics:
God
We were taking a walk last week in the park when we saw a Muslim praying under a tree. At the time she was distracted, and I only simply explained that in Islam people have to pray at specific times, in a specific direction. On the same day, we also walked by the local church, and chatted about her trip to the there as part of the start of school tradition. She didn't have too much impression of it, only mentioned that the postcard she's coloring looks like the stained glass window of the church.
Today's conversation started because she had been making up a story about praying to Buddha in the direction of sunset, I was surprised, and impressed, at her ability to synthesize all these different perspectives and come up with her unique ideas in relation to them. When we ventured further, she brought up the point that God doesn't exist, but that’s probably based on our personal views. So we ended up having a discussion about what belief means, why we cannot be sure whether god exists or not, and how to be respectful about other people’s beliefs.
Santa and Fairies
We then talked about whether the tooth fairy and Santa Claus were real. Kids at kindergarten had long shared their personal experiences with the tooth fairy, so it was not new to Zoe. When she lost her first tooth, she didn't quite want to part with it just to get money, and we had kept it in a box for a while. Then After she lost her third tooth, she was finally willing to give it a try, and wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy politely asking if she could still keep her teeth after the fairy took a look at it. But mommy was distracted that evening, and totally forgot about it, and woke up to a surprised child who started crying after not find anything from the tooth fairy. It was too late to put anything in the box, so I folded a 5 euro bill and put it under her toothbrush, coming up with the story that perhaps the tooth fairy wanted her to brush her teeth more.
Well, I guess that established the going rate for 2 teeth (the third one had been lost in our old apartment), so when she recently lost three more teeth, she again received 5 euros for the two she managed to keep (the third had accidentally been swallowed while eating a croissant). We had been talking about her allowance, which is on hold as she can never consistently do her math homework long enough to finish the entire workbook, and she said it was ok because at least she gets money from the tooth fairy. Then somehow she wondered out loud that maybe I’m actually the person who put the money there? I questioned her logic, and she said it was because how can the fairy come inside the house? Then we started talking about Santa Claus, but apparently Santa Claus can come in through the chimney. But our apartment right now doesn't have a chimney? This really confused her, and she reversed her argument and said the tooth fairy was real and Santa was not (because tooth fairy had magic and can fly through the open window but our apartment doesn’t have a chimney). It was hilarious to watch her go through these logical exercises and get easily swayed, but at the end, I think we settled on both the tooth fairy and Santa Claus having magical powers and are real.
This brings me back to an earlier conversation where one day, as we walked into the subway station, she suddenly had an epitome and exclaimed, "mommy, why don't you also write a letter to Santa to ask for a present?" I replied that mommy pretty much already buys all the presents I want so I don't need a present from Santa, to which she matter of factly said, "but if you ask Santa for it then you don't have to spend any money!" I love that at an early age she already has this money saving mentality XD
3 Questions
Since we moved to Germany we established a new routine, which is asking 3 questions right before bedtime. They started out being the same questions, but have since evolved to be more fluid. She generally tells me to ask the questions, but today, she proactively asked “what are you disappointed about.” In the past I have used this question, or a similar one like "what would you change about today" to draw out things we could have done better during the day, like "I'm disappointed that I yelled at you and wish I was able to keep my temper." She had always hated this question and always responded that she was not disappointed in anything. But today, she proactively said that she was disappointed that she didn’t act with more patience and was disrespectful when I offered to help earlier when she was playing with Legos. We had already talked about the little tantrum, I had told her that I was proud she finally fixed the Legos herself and calmed herself down, which had always been difficult. I’m even more proud that she’s gotten to a point where she can self reflect and admit fault.
School Bully
We also revisited the topic of a girl at school who has not been so nice to her. This had been one of my biggest worries, that she would get bullied in school, and after hearing her talk about it, I’m actually way less worried now. It’s only been two weeks, and while it’s unfortunate that there’s someone who’s not nice, Zoe has been doing all the right things in terms of responding — she’s stood her ground, did not retaliate, told the teacher what’s happening, and most importantly, is telling me about it at home. She also says she’s sad but not angry, which makes me happy as well. Possibly the resilience class she did in kindergarten really helped? No matter what the reason, I’m much more confident that even if something like this happens, she’s actually not the shy, scared little girl who’s going to be defeated and scarred, but rather a brave one who can handle the complicated challenges of an ever changing life journey.